These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

As you know, I'm a nanny during the week. Except, not really, because I watch the kids at my house. So kind of just like a babysitter. Except, I go pick them up in the morning, so kind of like a chauffeur. Haha, it's a weird situation, but I love it!

Bringing Sam & Reagan back here has been the best thing ever. I still have to get up & get dressed and "go to work" in the morning, but then I get to be with my family & my nephews & niece & work on photography while they nap. If I have an appointment, Lydia or my parents will keep them, & it's just been so nice. A total blessing. Who knew allergies could turn into blessings? God did, of course. His timing is perfect, & His ways are not our ways, He knows what He's doing! 

So when I started bringing the kids here, they would get to hang out with the boys sometimes. Reagan was still super young & just laid around all day, but Sam & Ryder are only three weeks apart. Since Stacey started back to school, we get Carson twice a week, so he & Sam get to play together a lot, too.

It's been fun seeing them develop these little toddler friendships. When we're leaving the house & Sam is saying, "Let's go see Ryder & Carson!" & when we walk through the door & the boys say, "Saaaam!". They run around and play, get in trouble for wrestling too much, eat lunch in their own highchairs, but always wanting what the others have. They're just the cutest set of friends. 

I'm so thankful God has placed all of these kids in my life. They show me so much love every day, & they're so genuine & sweet. 

Stomach Pains & Doctor's Visits

Last Friday night, I went to the Emergency Room with crazy bad stomach pains. I've never been in so much pain before in my life, & I had a hard time breathing, walking, standing, sitting, laying - living.

It started at 8:00 Friday night & by 2:00 Saturday morning, I couldn't handle it anymore. My mom & Sebastian took me to the ER where they did blood work, took x-rays, & did an ultra-sound. They didn't see anything abnormal other than elevated liver enzymes. They said that could be due to the medicine I'm on for bronchitis, or it could be due to my liver not functioning properly. They gave me some fantastic pain medication that literally took the pain away as soon as it went in the IV, & since I was fine for the next six hours, they said I could go home and follow up with a GI specialist.

Today, I saw the GI doctor. She said it sounds like something is wrong with my gallbladder. I have to do different tests to rule out any other possibilities (stomach ulcers, polyps, etc.), but she thinks the end result will be related to the gallbladder. Today, I had to get blood taken...

& let me bunny trail real quick. I don't do needles. Ever. Period. I went to my pediatrician until they told me I was really too old, & I always got the little finger pricks. No big deal. A big 'ole needle stuck in my arm? No thank you.

When I went to the ER, they had a hard time finding a vein. I was super dehydrated & I have baby veins to begin with, so it was extra difficult. They started in my left hand & fished around until they busted a vein, then they moved to the right hand where they were able to get one. I squeezed Sebastian's hand harder than I ever have, & cried while he sang to me. It was just what I needed.

For my blood work today, I squeezed my mom's hand while the lady stuck me right on the first try. Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord.

...anywho, tomorrow, I have to have an endoscopy. Basically, they'll knock me out, go down my throat with a camera, & look around my stomach to see if anything is wrong. Tuesday evening, I have to get a special kind of MRI done that will show them if there are any gallstones that the ultra-sound missed.

As far as I understand, if there is a stone, they'll do a procedure to take that out & see how things are after that. If there isn't a stone, they'll send me to a surgeon to see about getting my gallbladder taken out.

I kind of hope they'll go through all of these tests & everything will be normal & I'll be fine. But I also kind of hope they'll find something so they can fix it & I won't have to deal with this stomach pain anymore. I've literally never hurt as bad as I did Friday night.

If you could keep me in prayer, I'd appreciate it. I don't like needles, I don't like being put under, & I don't like tight spaces. So these next few days are going to have me aaaalllll kinds of worked up. Your prayers would mean the world to me!

Thanks, y'all. For now, I'm thinking about how sweet Sebastian is. I woke up to a text saying to look out my window before I get on Facebook or Instagram. I'm just a great big fan of snow. :)

Negativity

Negativity has been weighing on my heart & mind lately. It's something that's out there & it comes in so many different forms. It's the people you try so hard to befriend, when they couldn't care less about you if they tried. It's the ridiculously messy bedroom that you don't even want to step foot it. It's the mindset of always wanting the most "likes" & never being satisfied.

Over the past year, I've developed a good amount of anxiety. It's horrible & I absolutely hate it, but I deal with it. I whole-heartedly believe that part of this is due to stress. If I could just let go of worry, my stomach wouldn't be in knots so often.

Stress could easily be my middle name. I'm constantly stressed about bills, work, Sebastian's work, relationships, friendships, impressing others, my business, "likes", marketing...so much, so often. Why?

God has given me an incredible life with an incredible family & incredible friends. He's given me Sebastian Michael Brown to share my triumphs & failures with. Who loves me more than I ever thought someone could, & who knows me so much better than I know myself.

Why do I insist on trying to "win" people's friendships? Why am I constantly trying to please & impress those who don't even matter?

I'm working on getting rid of clutter in my life. People, places, things that just bring me down. I need to give all of this to God & let Him do with it what He wants. Already, I've felt such a change. It's like life isn't so heavy after all.

For a long, long time, I haven't known who I am. I haven't know who I'm "myself" around. But recently, the Lord has shown me who the "real" Hannah is. I can look back and see *these people I'm myself around* , *these people I try to be someone else around*.

I'm so excited to fully embrace the friends God has blessed me with & let go of the ones I never seemed good enough for.

If you have found yourself being brought down, look at who/what is around you. You have to, have to, have to separate yourself from the negative people & things in your life. It's hard, but it's so worth it.

Seriously, let go & let God.

Sick

Remember last week when I was like, "Woohoo!!! I haven't gotten seriously sick all season - I think I'm in the clear!!"?

I'm sick.

Last Tuesday, sweet Baby Carson - wait...Big Boy Carson...Big Boy TWO YEAR OLD Carson... -  got the flu. He was so pitiful & I couldn't do anything to console him. We snuggled a little bit, but he just wasn't comfortable. & with a 103.something fever, how could you be comfortable?! They took him to the doctor & got some medicine for him, & he's doing much better now!!

Last Friday, Ryder got strep throat. While he had a high fever also, he didn't seem quite as miserable. He was much more of a cuddle-bug than usual, but he was content sitting & playing. Since Jesse was working Friday night, I spent the night at their house to help Lydia with the kids. I slept with Ryder & breathed in all of his germs through the night. I'd do it again, though - I hate seeing these boys sick. & after getting on some antibiotics on Saturday, he's better now, too!!

But me, I've managed to get my own thing. By Saturday afternoon, my throat was hurting & I was coughing & all that jazz. I, obviously, assumed it was strep, & rescheduled my photo session with a one year old for that day & canceled a birthday party I was suppose to photograph with fifteen four year olds. When I woke up Sunday even worse, I rescheduled my session with a newborn for that day. & when I woke up Monday even worse, we were able to go to the doctor, & here I am with Bronchitis. So, I re-rescheduled both of those sessions again.

Fortunately, I had off of work Monday for the holiday. The little girl I watch spiked a fever Monday, too, so the mom stayed home with her Tuesday, so that worked out. Tomorrow, Lydia is watching them for me.

I'm able to knock out the one year old session tomorrow while wearing a mask, but we're moving the newborn session again because... it's a newborn. That session will be so much more hands-on, & if that precious baby got my bronchitis germs... I don't even know what I would do.

I don't think I've ever had to cancel sessions like this. I hate it!!! I feel like there couldn't have been a worse time for me to get sick. But I'm thankful for these antibiotics that should (hopefully) start making me feel back to normal. I'm thankful for this cough syrup with codeine allowing me to stop coughing long enough to SLEEP for a few minutes. I'm thankful for my mom for taking such good care of me, while also taking such good care of my Grama. & I'm thankful for Sebastian for spending all of his free time taking care of me, too.

New Year's Eve

Ever since I was old enough to remember, we've spent New Year's Eve at church. We always had a game night where we'd play something like Pictionary, or a movie night where we'd watch something on the big projector, then we'd head over to the sanctuary at about ten minutes until midnight. Someone would start praying, then whoever else wanted to pray would take turns, then my dad or Pastor Sentell would finish. We always knew the clock struck twelve when we heard the ridiculous amount of gunshots. ;)

My dad planted our current church in 2012, & we haven't found our own building yet. We've held our Sunday services at a few different places, but we do anything extra (Wednesday night service, Bible studies, etc.) at my house. Sooo, that first year, we did our New Year's Eve get together here & it was lots of fun! The next year, we didn't plan anything in time & most everyone who would come wasn't going to be able to, so we all did our own thing. This year, my mom had the flu, so we couldn't have anyone over, either.

So! Sebastian & I decided on a date night to Rancho - our favorite place evah. Then, we came home & he and my parents watched some movie while I quickly passed out on the couch. I woke up in time to pray in the new year with my family, & then headed off to bed. Super uneventful, but that's okay. Haha

Growing up, I always wished I could do something else on New Year's Eve. Always having to be at church made me feel like I was missing out on something. Now, after getting to choose what I did at midnight, I can honestly say being with my church family is where I want to be.

Anywho, we went to dinner, they watched a movie, we prayed, & I got my new year's kiss. I'd call it a winner either way.

#sheddingsixtyeight // Dec 2014

I have done absolutely nothing to advance my fitness goals these last two months. I don't think I've been to the gym even once, I wear my fitbit everyday, but don't get aaaaanywhere near my 10,000 step goal, & while I'm going strong with only drinking water, I'm not drinking nearly enough water. I'm so dehydrated!! 

I thought about starting this whole thing over, but I decided I'm just going to pick back up where I left off. When my sixty-eight pounds are gone & I'm where I want to be, I want to look back at my successes & my failures, like doing absolutely nothing for two months. That in & of itself gives me motivation!

Looking back, I think, "What if I had been super serious these past five months? Where would I be now?" & it kiiiiills me! So, I don't want to look back & wish I'd actually done something, I want to look back & be proud of how far I've come. 

So! I'm back to my starting weight, 228, & I'm ready to tackle this sucker. 

Because I don't have a regular picture & I'll want something to compare my chubby cheeks to. Haha

This month! 

Goals:

1) Drink 75 ounces of water every day. I have no clue what my water intake should be. According to whatever pops up on google, it should be somewhere around 74 ounces. If you know your water science & have a better number for me, let me know. ;) Otherwise, I'm aiming for 75 oz! 

2) Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. It's been SO HARD for me to wake up early to exercise, & by the time I'm off of work, going to the gym is the LAST thing I want to do!! But when I do go to the gym in the morning, I feel so much better the rest of the day. Here's to pushing myself out of the door, even when I'd MUCH rather stay in my toasty warm bed!

3) 10,000 steps. My dad has now joined our fitbit club, & he's the perfect motivation to get us all back on our feet. I'm sure we'll start doing challenges this weekend, & we'll be back to walking in circles around the neighborhood, hoping to win that pointless trophy. ;) 

These are basically the same exact goals as before, but if I didn't accomplish them then, there's no point in adding more to the list. 

If you didn't see before, we've started a group on Facebook of people who want to give & receive encouragement & support! You can read more about it HERE & you can join the group HERE! 

Happy New Year, everyone! Let's make this the best year yet!!