Butterfly Kisses

Butterfly Kisses. The one thing that made me feel sad on my wedding day.

I have been a daddy's girl my entire life. When I was little, my dad heard Butterfly Kisses on the radio & he (apparently) cried. He came home & held me & played it again, & since then, that's been our song. 

Growing up, I don't care where I was or who I was with - if Butterfly Kisses came on, as soon as it got to "She'll change her name today. She'll make a promise, & I'll give her away. Standing in the bride's room just staring at her. She asked me what I'm thinking & I said I'm not sure. I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl", I would bawl my eyes out. I never, ever, ever wanted my daddy to feel that way. I would always be his baby girl. 

Over the five years Sebastian & I dated before he proposed, I would dream about getting engaged & I would dream about our wedding day. It was a fun, exciting time to think about & look forward to. But inevitably, I would think about my daddy. I would think about him giving me away, & I would think about Butterfly Kisses. I can't tell you how many times Sebastian & I would talk about getting engaged. We were both so ready for so long. We would talk about being married & starting a family, holidays & traditions, our first kiss on our wedding day - & then we would talk about my dad. "Nope, scratch that, I'm not ready yet", I would think. There is no way I could leave my daddy. & at the time (all of the times), my dad wouldn't have let me leave anyway. 

I remember a few days before we got engaged - just shy of our five year dating anniversary. I wanted to be engaged SO bad. HE wanted to be engaged so bad. But he said he didn't have the ring yet, so it wasn't going to happen that Friday night. I was sad. 

I'll never forget when he came upstairs & told me that my dad had said "yes". I wasn't expecting it - I don't even know if it's "normal" to tell your girlfriend that before you propose, but it's exactly what I needed to hear. & I cried & cried & cried. MY dad said YES!? WHAT!?!? Literally, every time I would calm down, I would think about the way my dad must have felt. Surely, he was sad - feeling like he was losing his baby girl. 

I went downstairs, but not into the den yet. I just couldn't hold back my tears long enough to pass by him. Sebastian & I stood in the kitchen - me crying, him laughing - both so excited. He said yes.

The next morning, my dad was doing dishes when I left for work. I went to kiss him goodbye, & I fell apart in his arms. "Thank you, daddy. Thank you for giving him permission to marry me. Thank you, thank you, thank you." He hugged me tight & said," You're welcome, Hannah Grace. I told Sebastian yesterday, 'Hannah did good, but you did better'." followed by more sweet words. 

We had a long five years. We changed a lot, we grew a lot, & we're different people than we were before. There were times - a lot of times - that my dad wouldn't have said "yes". There were times when my dad flat-out said "no - not gonna happen, so don't even ask". When he gave Sebastian permission to marry me, it was more than just an "awe, that's sweet" moment. It was a moment of relief & overwhelming joy. It meant that Sebastian had finally stepped up to the plate & proven to my dad that he would take care of me - no matter what that meant. 

He said yes.

Throughout the planning process, the only time I felt sad was when I thought about walking down the aisle with my daddy & him giving me away. I talked to my bridesmaids so many times saying, "I hope I'm so excited to be marrying Sebastian that I don't even think about the fact that I'm leaving my daddy." because the fact that I was leaving him was a hard one for me to swallow. I don't think it's normal, how difficult that part of this was for me. 

On my wedding day, I didn't want to do a first look with Sebastian, but I did want to do one with my dad. I wanted to get all dressed & ready to go, & I wanted to get the moment captured, when he saw me - his baby girl - as a bride.

I did SO good the whole morning. I never even shed one tear! I mean, I was about to MARRY my best friend! It wasn't until I put my necklace & earnings on & they said my dad was outside waiting that the tears started flowing. Thankfully, my makeup girl schooled me on how to wipe my tears without making my makeup run, so I was set. :) 

I was crying before I even made it to the door. I walked outside & my dad was facing the opposite direction. I walked up to him & tapped his shoulder - bawling my eyes out, of course! He turned around & gave me the biggest hug & said over & over that he couldn't believe I had grown up. Ooooh, the tears. So many tears!

Once my dad & I did our first look, my brothers came over to do one with me, too. I didn't want to get married without hugging my brothers first! Plus, I got in some pictures with my grandmas. :) 

After my mom walked down the aisle & lit the unity candle, my brother, Seth, sang Butterfly Kisses. We knew if he sang while we were in there, neither my dad nor I would get through it, so they did it before we walked in. We were in the foyer of the church when Seth did the song & they propped the door open so I could listen. Let me tell you - as soon as that third verse hit, I was GONE! My bridesmaids were so sweet to me while I stood there sobbing. :) 

I'll never forget standing behind those doors, holding my daddy's arm. Thankfully, I was, in fact, so excited about seeing Sebastian, that my mind didn't dwell on the fact that I would so soon be given away. Oh, that walk. My very favorite walk. The walk I dreamed of since before I was old enough to understand it. It was so surreal. It IS so surreal. & when we got to the end of the aisle, he held my hand & he didn't let go. It was exactly what I needed before he put my hand into Sebastian's to hold onto forever.

One of my very favorite parts about our wedding was that my daddy walked me down the aisle, gave me away, THEN married us. He gave us a message on grace, which I think about daily. It was sweet & personal & absolutely perfect. I cried, Sebastian cried, & my dad even teared up, too. It was the most wonderful day of my life, filled with all of the best emotions. 

Most people say Sebastian must be a really great guy for my dad to give me up, but really, he must be (he IS!) a really great guy for me to leave. I'm so thankful the Lord knew just who I needed to care for me & love me for life when he gave me my husband. I'm thankful to have been given a daddy who has shown me how a man should treat a woman, & who always made sure I was taken care of & loved. Who has always encouraged me to seek the Lord & trust Him in ALL areas of my life. & one who has never made me feel inadequate.

I changed my name, I made a promise, & you gave me away. But I'll always, always, always be your baby girl.

Getting Ready | The Girls

Oh, you guys, I HAVE OUR WEDDING PICTURES! I told my bridesmaids over the weekend that I think the Lord is teaching me patience, because that's one thing I have none of, & it's one thing that I had to practice BIG time over the past two months. I literally checked my email every. single. day. waiting to see if they were finished!

Last night, Sebastian & I had a completion event to go to at Bed, Bath & Beyond. It was when they close out our registry & we're able to get everything in the store for 20% off. Well, Sebastian got off of work late & we weren't able to go until an hour after it started (& it was only a two hour event), but right as we were leaving, I got an Instagram notification from our wedding photographer, Amanda Hedgepeth, saying our wedding photos were uploading to the gallery & we'd be getting an email within a half an hour.

We scratched our plans to go shopping, grabbed my laptop, & went to my parents house to hook it up to the TV & look at the pictures together. I was  f r e a k i n g  out! Sebastian was concerned by my driving & told me I needed to stop & breathe & settle down. I was seriously just so excited!

I am going to go through these & blog about them. I have so much to say so that I always, always, always remember this perfect day.

I'm going to start with getting ready before the wedding!

The night before the wedding, we were at Tabernacle setting up for the reception until 3 or 4 in the morning. When I got home, I still hadn't packed anything for the honeymoon, so I stayed up until 6 packing & finishing up some things that had to be done for the wedding. I finally got in bed, but was too excited/nervous to sleep! I dozed off eventually & woke up again at 7 when my alarm went off.

The week before our wedding, it raaaained & rained & rained. There was suppose to be a hurricane, & the worst of it was slated to hit on Saturday. When I woke up & looked out the window to see SUN, I can't explain the joy & thankfulness that ran through me. We prayed the Lord would hold off the rain, & He did just that!

Jordie & Amanda were the first at the church, followed by everyone else at different times. We got ready (& married) a minute & a half (that may be too long!) down the street from my house, which ended up being SO helpful! Every time we realized we'd forgotten something, someone (usually a Nowak hero!) would run back to the house to get it.

Hair was first for me & my very favorite hair stylist (Kim Williams from Rudy & Kelly in the Fairfield Shopping Center - check her out!!) came to the church to do my hair. She's the only person who can make my hair stay curly, but on that humid day, not even she could do the trick. :) But I really loved the way it looked! She even brought the hair piece for me to wear - she wore it in her wedding, which just added another "something borrowed" to my attire.

Next up for me was makeup! I had the SWEETEST girl come from the salon my friend works at (her name is Courtney from Sleek Salon & Spa - check her out, too!! She's so good!). She brought everything with her & used all she could to make it as "tear proof" as possible, since I told her I would be baaawling all day! She coached me on how to wipe my tears, & once I was finished, she even did my mom & helped with my Grama, too, even though she was only hired to do me. Seriously, so sweet & generous.

I loved getting ready with all of the girls. We were across the street from the church the wedding was being held & the boys were getting ready, & if it were raining like it was suppose to, we were going to have to get ready over there, too, & I would have been in one room while my bridesmaids were in another part of the church. But again, God is FAITHFUL & we all got to be together, which is exactly what I'd prayed for! 

My girls were (are!) seriously the BEST. Most of them stayed laaaaate the night before the wedding setting up the reception, came early to get ready, & loved me through all of my crazy, crying, can't-handle-what's-going-on moments. They helped with so much, from giving me ideas, to shopping with me, to just being an excellent listener & advice giver. I feel like I need to do a whole other blog post for these ten ladies. I am just SO blessed to know them & to have them in my life. 

The rest of the morning was spent talking, laughing, stressing (but only slightly), & getting all kinds of excited. My soon-to-be-husband was just across the street, & I couldn't even say hello. :) The only communication we had was through my friend, Amanda, who would talk to her brother, Chris (Sebastian's best man), who would tell Sebastian whatever pointless thing I had to say. 

Once all of the girls were dressed, they all helped me into my dress & 15 ft. long train (which was my mama's!). Then, I was off to have a first look with my daddy, which is for sure being saved for another post. :) 

After the first look with my daddy, then with my brothers, everyone grabbed part of my train & we headed across the street. This is one thing that people thought I was crazy for during planning, but something I wanted to do SO bad. They were afraid my dress was going to get dirty (valid concern!), but I just really wanted a picture of us walking - just like we did. & again, NO RAIN! It was so perfect!

I remember the feeling so clear: It was time to marry my best friend.